Fine... Just forget me...

I've felt this way for the past year. It's not that I'm invisible. I'm just ignored. There's no way I can do so much in everything I'm involved in and be forgotten. In theater club, I made our banner, participate in every meeting I possibly can, and I ran for club officer.

Almost no one voted for me. Those who did couldn't really see why I didn't win a leadership position. I thank them for that.

I also ran for a few positions in my 3D class. No one even noticed I volunteered. Practically no one but my teachers sees me as being more than "just there." My classmates all marvel at my work, but do they ever bother to notice that I have feelings? That I may be feeling down that day? That I don't like it when they swear?

I don't think so. I'm just there. I'm just Rachel. Sure, Rachel's amazing! But she's just Rachel. Don't bother her unless you want something or if she happens to be annoying you. Maybe she wants attention? Well, why on earth would she want attention? She never talks, and she's too busy with her work to care about anything else.

Some people care more. My friends care, but even they leave me on the fringe. This Tuesday I went on a field trip with the Senior 3D class for the entire day. My friends apparently decided to go to the school restaurant on Wednesday, but forgot to tell me. Fair enough. Could have been an honest mistake. The next day, they went again and never told me they would. So for two days, I was essentially left on my own.

Thankfully, I spend half of lunch with one group of friends and then the other half with one other group. The second group went to the restaurant, so I stayed with the first group. But to think that when I began hanging with the second group and spending the first half with my other friends, they asked if I'd abandoned them. Really? Maybe I value each friend I have. Maybe I don't want to leave anyone out.

But you wouldn't know about that, would you...? Maybe I was welcome, but no one bothered to ask me if I was even going. No one asked if I wanted to go. They just said, "Oh, we're going to the restaurant today!" If the invitation was implied, at least ask and give me a chance to accept or decline, but don't just write me off one way or the other.

I only have one friend whom I see on an almost daily basis at the moment who does not make me even wonder is she cares. She proves it all the time. She apologizes for not having finished something she offered to do for me and that I honestly forgot about. She notices when I'm down when I'm not my usual self, and maybe she's the only one who knows what "my usual self" looks like. I don't think anyone else notices until I start crying. Thank you so much, Amelia! I honestly mean it. You are one of the single best friends I've ever had! When I left for Skills Week earlier this year, you're the ONLY one who didn't go with me and remembered where I was. EVERYONE else thought I'd dropped off the face of the planet! You were honestly the only one who remembered.

Almost everyone else makes me feel like they only want to be around me because they want something, or maybe they want a laugh out of me. But when I feel down, forget her. She's just a downer. When I strive to lead- who? Oh her, but all she ever does is work. She doesn't goof off and talk to me. I like such-and-such better anyway.

They have no idea. If they want to be that way, fine! Just forget me all together...

Bones (C) Me