Anonymous

I love him, you know. At least... that's what it feels like. It's probably just indigestion. Haha!

But really.

I can't get him out of my head! How did it even start- WHEN did it even start?! I don't know. It just did. It just is... I can't help it. Why do I care so much? I don't know really... There's not much that seems overly special about him. He's not quite a Hollister Co. model, but he's far from unattractive. He's intelligent, but not overly so. He is calm and collected with the ability to allow himself to get excited once in a while. He's thoughtful, but realistic with a great sense of humor. He listens to those he's around, but he is his own person. Much of him is simply average but still somehow reaching and achieving so much. There is nothing more to say... That's it. He has flaws, but in so having flaws he is somehow flawless. There's so much more I want to say, but I don't know how to say it.

I can't get him out of my head!

I want to tell someone about it, but I'm afraid they'll laugh or roll their eyes. Perhaps I'm just "fangirling" they'd say... After all, he truly is a total stranger. They could be right... I know of him, but he knows nothing of me. He's never seen my face or heard my voice. He may have seen the words I typed to him, but they're lost among the thousands and possibly millions he gets every day. It simply falls among them in a soundless, faceless, anonymous void of similar thoughts.

I'm just being silly...

Yeah, that's it. All hype over a little fan crush I can't get over. Dragging me down into a state of unusual and uncalled for depression... It's just... Why? I want to call it just a fan crush, but that isn't what it feels like... Am I simply more lonely than I admit, and it's coming out in this form? Why do I burden my friends of this knowledge when it's pointless and futile in the end? Why do I sit and pine when I could simply live life? Maybe I don't much have a reason to "live life," as most see it, because I'm living it alone?

Maybe that's it.

And you, you who somehow has managed to unintentionally catch my fluttering and tired heart and sooth it just by smiling at me once in a while through your webcam, maybe you make me feel a little better. You make your videos as much for me as much as anyone else, right? To you, it's simply letting me catch a glance over your shoulder into that game we both love for me to simply enjoy it with you. For me, it's to catch a glance over your shoulder into that game we both love for me to simply enjoy it with you. It's different, but close enough. I don't know how you did it, but I wait for your latest video to see you rather than to watch you play. I don't know why it's so important, but it is. So, to you, you who somehow has managed to unintentionally catch my heart and sooth it just by smiling at me once in a while, through time and space, through a little big thing called the Internet, as much for me as anyone else...

Thank you.